Dear Ones,
Some of the students I’ve had in the past have healed or reclaimed somewhat from significant abuse from their childhood through their own determination and courage willing them forward onto a pilgrimage involving music in some way. Especially the male adults.
One of the senior citizen students I’ve had the opportunity to be employed to be a private music teacher, was a retired Christian pastor who was finally pursuing a life long wish to play the flute.
As a boy, he was forbidden to play the flute as it was deemed shameful and inappropriate for a boy to play that instrument. (Meanwhile women at that time weren’t holding orchestral or professional positions of being a flautist either….but that’s for another blog.)
He was in his late 60’s and suffered from a very weak short term memory. For weeks he would come to his lesson, and not even recognize that some of what I was teaching him was review. I feared he was beyond hope and I began to question the morality of taking this man’s money. His wife was an oboe student and she assured me that he practiced at home usually about 5 to 10 minutes most waking hours. He was very devoted.
I decided to be patient and wait a couple more months to see if he’d make enough progress to justify the money he was spending, or to have a real heart to heart with him.
Anyway - fast forward - his consistent hard work started to “pay off” in terms of he was making progress and bit by bit playing the flute. He was getting a sound, getting endurance for phrasing, remembering fingerings and developing - some - dynamics.
BUT
He grew more and more frustrated because technique aside, he wasn’t being expressive. He just wasn’t connecting his heart with his sound. It was noise, not music. He had a mini melt down, because he’d always wanted to play the flute he saw NO moral reason for him being denied the ability to study flute - so his studies were guilt free - yet he felt trapped. Now that he was doing all he could, he hit a wall of ability and feared he’d never play - really play - the flute before he would die. He was feeling impatient also, and that isn’t helpful either.
This gentleman was a retired pastor so he was familiar with hymns and biblical characters. I said, secretly pick one of the following three biblical characters, and play this hymn the way you’d imagine one of the characters would sing it, but play exactly what is written. ( I gave him the most contrasting of three characters I could think of because I was afraid I’d have NO idea, which one he’d pick!) Well, clearly he picked the holy mother and he did extremely well expressing HER character as he’d imagine.
So, my point is, we all have hearts and we are all musical, the trick is finding what we love to access our own ability to “sing” or emote or express our hearts. Sometimes it helps to express ourselves, our hearts through our adoration which isn’t blocked to enter the vast sea of our own emotional sea of expression.
In time, he was able to express more and more of his own heart without requiring to move sideways through adoration of another.
Much of my work with adult students was therapeutic in assisting/witnessing them overcome toxic pedagogy or limiting beliefs of their youth. Fortunately because of their own dedication and love of music, I was able to help them through the wall they willed to fall down.
Very rewarding honor to witness these successes in the heart. There is healing in music.
I am grateful that moving forward, humanity is liberating itself from such narrow ideas of what it means to be a boy or a man.
My oboe teacher, Peter Hertling told me about how in some native American cultures, a boy ready to become a man would go out on a vision quest, fast, have a vision, then make a flute while out on the vision quest. When (if) he returned to the tribe, he’d play on the flute and expression of his vision, on his flute which he forged, for the tribal elders. After hearing the music, he would be given his adult man name.
It was a rite of passage. To go alone in the wilderness, fast, pray, have vision, forge a flute, return, express and choose to be a part of the tribe.
There is a beauty and wisdom there.
Thank you.
K.J.P.
February 17, 2020